The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver (Harmony)

What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.

Rather than creating a climate of disagreement and resistance, they embrace each other’s needs. They have so-called an emotionally intelligent marriage.

The more emotionally intelligent a couple—the better able they are to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage—the more likely that they will indeed live happily ever after.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book authored by John Gottman, a renowned clinical psychologist and marriage counselor. The book is aimed at helping couples build and maintain strong, healthy and long-lasting marriages. 

The first principle highlighted in the book is the importance of building a strong friendship in marriage. According to Gottman, the foundation for a great marriage is a deep, lasting friendship that is characterized by mutual respect, affection, and trust. Couples that have strong friendships tend to be happier and more satisfied with their marriages.

The second principle is the need for couples to engage in active listening and effective communication. Gottman believes that communication is vital for a successful marriage, and couples need to learn to listen actively to their partners, express their feelings and needs clearly, and communicate respectfully.

The third principle is the need for couples to understand and manage their conflict effectively. According to Gottman, conflict is normal in marriages and couples that know how to resolve their conflicts and differences positively tend to have stronger marriages. He advises couples to take time to cool off, identify the underlying issues, and come up with solutions that satisfy both partners.

The fourth principle is the need for couples to show each other compassion and appreciation. Gottman believes that couples that show gratitude and appreciation towards one another tend to have stronger, more stable marriages. He advises couples to focus on their partner's positive qualities and show appreciation for small everyday things.

The final principle highlighted in the book is the need for couples to focus on building a shared meaning and purpose in their marriage. According to Gottman, couples that have a shared vision and meaning in their marriage tend to be more satisfied and committed. He advises couples to identify their values, beliefs and goals, and work together to build a meaningful and fulfilling life together.

In conclusion, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is an insightful book that offers practical advice and tools to help couples build and maintain long-lasting and happy marriages. Gottman's approach emphasizes the importance of developing a strong friendship, effective communication, conflict management, showing appreciation, and building a shared vision and meaning.

This book is a valuable resource for couples at all stages of their relationships, and it is highly recommended for anyone looking to improve the quality of their marriage.

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